there were a bunch of us floating downstream in this really deep but calm river (dream = no arm floaties). We were about to get out of the river when a HUGE alligator appeared right in front of us.
Now here’s the part that shocked me: I assumed Stephanie was also frantically swimming toward the edge to run for her life, but when I turned around she was straddling this monster and holding its head against her chest! WTF? She appeared to have the situation under control (because my baby has some pretty nice balls when she needs to), but when I turned back around there was a much smaller alligator annoying the shit out of me, nipping at my legs and whatnot.
I flopped it over and started rubbing its belly (where did Steph go?) until it fell asleep. The damn thing kept waking up and I just wanted a park ranger or somebody to save the day!
But, alas, none showed up! -_- This annoying little one somehow made its way up to my shoulder and was flailing around, thrashing his head from side to side as they do. Lucky me, the fucker took a bite out of my neck so I slammed him back on the ground and tried to calm him down again. For some reason, I really never wanted to kill that bastard. Hmm….
Realizing that blood was squirting out of my neck in a nice rhythmic pattern, I ran like fucking nuts into a crowd of people and NOBODY even acknowledged me! Finally someone called 911 and they showed up in about 5 minutes.
Moral of the story? Let’s get the fuck outta Florida.